THE NONLINEAR PATH 04: Hiding From Yourself In A Shadow Career
Step Into Your Own Shoes To Become Who You Are Meant To Be
Perhaps you are absolutely passionate about what you do everyday. Many people in the UnStruktured community are creative professionals already working in industries they love, in roles where they can apply their creative and artistic skills. Many work for companies large and small, and many have ventured out on their own to start their own brand or consulting business.
We are all over the map jobwise, but we are unified in the desire to feel personally, professionally, and creatively fulfilled, to feel we are following our true calling and making our own unique impact. In this, many of us are stuck…hiding in shadow careers we may or may not know we are in.
I recently reconnected with the concept of the shadow career while reading Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield. I’d completely forgotten that my first exposure to the concept was with Julia Cameron and The Artist’s Way, which I had read back in the mid 90’s shortly after it was first published in 1992. Cameron defined it through the lens of the artist, a “shadow artist” or one who denies themselves their own creative pursuits.
I can’t remember if I found The Artist’s Way on my own or if my mom gave it to me when she first embarked on her new career as a painter after I’d left home. Regardless, she and I have had countless conversations about the book over the years but I failed to remember the concept of the shadow artist. Until Pressfield brought it back into my awareness as the concept of the “shadow career”.
What is a Shadow Career?
A shadow career is defined by Pressfield as “finding yourself doing something that is close to your calling but not quite it”. In other words, working “in the music industry” when you’d rather be writing and composing original music, or working for a large apparel company when you'd rather be running your own clothing line, or working for a design firm when you’d rather run your own pottery studio. There are as many different examples of shadow careers as there are artists.
To be clear, to be in a shadow career does not mean you are working in the shadow of someone else. To be in a shadow career means you are working in the shadow of yourself.
In the Psychology Today article Stuck or Smart?, Katharine Brooks Ed.D. states “individuals who are in shadow careers are not fulfilling their own desires, but instead standing in someone else’s shadow. They can also be working a career that relates to what they really want, but not actually doing what they want.”
I find this definition a little misleading, and Brooks’ article does go on to talk about the difference between working to support the ideas of others and working to actively not support your own. To be clear, being in a shadow career does not mean you are working in the shadow of someone else. To be in a shadow career means you are working in the shadow of yourself.
How do we get stuck in a Shadow Career?
To be fair, most of us were not really taught to go after our dreams, at least not from my GenX standpoint. The very idea that we can, let alone actually must, go after what we really want is a relatively new idea in our culture. Today’s parents are much more likely to be attuned to their children’s talents and leanings and to provide support and resources to encourage them to “follow their dreams”.
In the 1960s, 70s, even through the 90s, parents didn’t have this luxury. The pressure to survive daily usually dictated what we were told growing up: find a good-paying, stable career, work your way up the ladder, make some money, buy a house, raise a family, pursue your dreams when you retire (which is more and more unlikely to happen these days). If you do pursue a creative path, have a fall-back plan (i.e. a shadow career).
There are umpteen seemingly “good” reasons why we don’t go after our passion, our true calling. In fact the messages and recordings we are told, often from birth, are so loud, so burned into our psyche that we can longer hear our own voice. We often don’t really know what we want to begin with. But it’s in there and deep down we know it. We are just afraid to step into our own shoes.
Humility vs. Ego
We are afraid because we want to be “good people”. We want to fit in, be accepted, make our parents happy and proud. We want to be respectful and humble. But we often mistake being humble for ego without knowing it. We think of going after what we really want as being selfish, unreasonable, irresponsible. So we go after what we think others would approve of (hence, Seth Godin’s thoughts on Leadership vs. Management: managers ask for approval, leaders take responsibility) and then we end up unhappy, bitter, resentful, and ultimately ineffective and wasted.
The lesson of mistaking humility for ego first came to me years ago via a colleague in the martial arts. My friend had just, after many long hard years of training, earned his first degree black belt. He was a great fighter and one of the most intelligent, compassionate and humble people I’d ever met. I was thrilled for him and excited to see him walk into his first class as a newly-minted black belt.
In the Indonesian martial art that I train it is customary for everyone on the training floor to stop, set and bow to any black belt who enters the room. This applies to all who hold the rank within the art and from any other discipline as well. It is an acknowledgement and respect for the rank and the work put in to achieve it.
I was still a brown sash myself, watching those walking the path before me intently. So when he walked into the training hall for the first time wearing his crisp new belt, I took particular notice. Walking into a room full of people and having them all stop, look at you and bow can be very intimidating and confusing the first time. It’s startling and pretty uncomfortable when you aren’t used to it. It is a critical and poignant moment for a new black belt stepping into new shoes.
As my colleague started to quietly enter the training hall he was spotted by another student who then readied herself to set the room for the bow. The new black belt, not wanting to disrupt a class already in progress, proceeded to hush the student and tried to slip into the room without notice. However, our head Goeroe caught sight of him and yelled as loud as I’ve ever heard “SIAP!”, setting the room for the bow and making an extra big display of it. We all bowed and then erupted into cheers as my friend flushed red with embarrassment.
At the end of class, Goeroe explained to us all that becoming a black belt was a huge accomplishment and a huge responsibility. When you step into these new shoes, you are stepping into a role that is not about you…it is about becoming a leader, a teacher. It is about the role you must now learn to inhabit, not about your ego. When you as a black belt refuse to have people bow to you, you may think you are being humble but really you are acting from your own ego. You are diminishing the role not just for yourself, but for all black belts. You think people are bowing to you, when they are actually bowing to your hard work.
This made a big impression on me and gave me a new understanding of what it means to be a black belt, a leader, and a professional. It’s not a prize to be waved around and shown off. It is an accomplishment of time, energy, blood, sweat, tears, bruises and worse that few people attain. It takes hard work to get there, but it takes true humility and integrity to step into and fully embody it. But that’s the job. That’s the requirement of being a black belt.
Put Your Ego In Service Of Your Calling
It is the same for your creative career or calling. We all have a calling whether we know it or not. Our calling is our gift. It is our passion, the thing we are most drawn to, what we most love or desire to do. That’s why it’s called a “calling”. It is calling to us to bring it to life and it is our absolute duty to find out what it is and figure out a way to make it so.
If it is our duty, then why don’t we do it? We don’t do it partly because we are disconnected from knowing what it is. We don’t do it because we are often told it is frivolous, unreliable, ridiculous. Mainly, we don’t do it because it is damn hard work. It requires too much from us, too much sacrifice, too much discomfort. Going after your true calling is painful, scary, dirty, and it will change your life, guaranteed. Pretty terrifying….but also very liberating once you throw in the towel and make the decision to do the work.
The good news is you are right where you need to be to get started. Everything you’ve done up to this point has prepared you to take the next step. Find your voice, listen to what’s calling you, and then point your ego in that direction. In martial arts we say “put your ego in service of your ilmu (qi, ki, energy)”. Don’t lose your ego, don’t deny your Self. Put your Self in service of your calling and leave your shadow to walk behind you.