THE NONLINEAR PATH 01: Mom As Mentor
10 Things I Learned From My Mom That Helped Me In My Creative Life
I’m just sitting down to write this today, Mother’s Day. Getting a newsletter up and running is a daunting task. I have so many topics I want to write about, it’s hard to choose a starting point. After a bit of reflection today, I discovered some things I wanted to share….so I am starting here, with my mom and ten things I’ve learned from her path over the years.
The Summer of ‘69, almost…
I was conceived probably somewhere in May of 1969, in the San Francisco Bay Area, epicenter of super craziness. Mom was young, I wasn’t planned, and my biological father was not developing any ideas to actually be a father. Not easy for my mom. She had to raise herself quickly while raising me, by herself….with a lot of help from family, of course. There is a whole story here worthy of a book or at least a long essay.
My mom wanted very badly to have her own family and a stable loving home, and as I saw it, she worked her ass off to create that. In the earliest of seventies she was a single mom. She worked full time as a draftsman in a man’s world, kept a clean comfortable home for the two of us, stocked my room full of books, found the best daycare she could afford for me, and she eventually married an amazing, creative man who would adopt me and become the father I have today.
As I learned from both my mother AND my father: nature doesn’t make you parent, nurture makes you a parent.
I know my mom has dealt with massive amounts of guilt around these early tough times. I know she has blames herself for many things and has tallied up a good long list of her own self-perceived shortcomings. But let me say, as a little girl I saw none of it. My mom was the superhero of my world.
I looked up to her in so many ways. I am not sure why exactly, I just did. She was tall, beautiful, she seemed super smart to me. She was compassionate and understanding while being firm and decisive, and she treated me like a young human being, not a child. She answered my questions, of which there were many ( I was a 'why?’ kid), as best she could with clarity and respect and she included me in her life. In some ways I had to grow up fast, but she was still the adult and she let me be a kid.
More importantly, she let me be me. She let me form my own views, make my own decisions (where appropriate), and be what I wanted to be. She made me feel like I was smart, too, and extremely capable. I never once had the sense that I was ‘girl’ and that any part of life would be limited to me.
Mom spent decades with my dad running a home, being a parent and a partner, working as a civil engineering draftsman along with other pursuits like quilting, canning fruit, cooking, gardening, drawing house plans, building a couple of houses, being ‘big sister’, a foster parent, and ultimately adopting to start parenting all over again.
After I left home in the nineties, Mom started painting, something she was always naturally talented at but never got the chance to pursue. She eventually retired from her job with the city and went after it full time.
Thus began her second career in her mid-forties, or what I see as starting her real career, as a professional artist. Now almost thirty years later at 73 she is an accomplished painter with thousands of pieces to her credit. She spends her days selling works, taking on commissions, showing in galleries, teaching classes, running her website, newsletter and social media, and generally inspiring a whole slew of people young and old. Myself included.
The List…
I’ve learned many things from my mom, what she taught me unknowingly over the years that helped shape my creative life and career. Today I reflect on ten of them, in no particular order, and realize that they have become values I live and create by. They have become a strong part of who I am as an artist, mother, and leader. Here they are:
No matter where you live or how little money you have, you can always put in the effort to make a nice home.
Same goes for your appearance.
A woman can be strong, smart, kind, AND beautiful. In fact, being the first three automatically makes you the fourth.
You can be tolerant and understanding and still stand up for yourself.
You can start a successful new career mid-life, or at any time you want.
You can make a decision to do something and then make it happen.
You can figure out the solution.
If you listen to your body, it will tell you what it needs.
You can connect with your own higher power yourself.
You can do anything you choose.
Not everyone has the kind of creative loving mom I do. I wish they did. But I do think we all have a mother-figure in our lives, in an aunt, grandmother, father, uncle, foster parent, teacher, mentor, etc. Someone who was there for us in an important and nurturing way that helped form who we are today. As I learned from both my mother and my father: nature doesn’t make you parent, nurture makes you a parent.
Take a moment today to reflect on and honor those in your life who provided that motherly nurturing to you. Think about the values they helped to shape within you that make you who are as a creative being. Then think about the ways you do that for someone else. Pass it on.
Michelle, what a beautiful tribute to your Mom - and all so true. Your Mom has been so supportive, accepting and loving to me and has helped me in so many ways I can't begin to count them. Thank you for sharing this. Love, Janet
Wow. This is Mom and I have no words for what I feel. Well maybe a couple. Love. Gratitude. Michelle, you are a gift and an amazing woman who has taught me...and continues to teach me.....so much.