THE NONLINEAR PATH 03: Zen And The Art Of Going Pro
Understanding Yourself And Your Amateur Habits
At some point we all inevitably toy with the idea of going independent, taking our professional career into our own hands, becoming our own boss. I first went independent nine and a half years ago, only partly by choice as is often the case for new moms in professional career settings. A year and a half later I “went independent” again. That time was not by choice. Now, a solid eight years into my working independence, I am finally going pro.
I started Struktur by co-founding the design conference, Struktur Event, in 2013 as a side project to my rapidly-evolving career as a professional designer in the outdoor industry and new status as a mother. I was known in the industry as a design leader and was now putting myself at the forefront as an expert, running an independent conference for fellow design professionals.
Starting Struktur was exhilarating, and terrifyingly exposing. Talk about coming face-to-face with one’s own imposter syndrome. I can remember the opening morning of the first conference in Portland in 2014. I was so nervous I was having a hard time staying present in my body. I thought I would just float right out of myself and disappear. It was actually surreal. Even with thirteen years of martial arts training, I was not prepared for what I would experience physically by “putting myself out there”. I was exhausted for weeks afterwards. I barely remember running the two-day event.
Struktur was successful in spite of me, running for five years, spawning a podcast, connecting designers with new work, altering brand trajectories, creating new partnerships, and building a creative community that has continued to grow. We were asked to join several trade shows. We were asked to launch versions in NYC, Europe, and Asia. We were asked to start an online community before online communities were so easily possible.
There were opportunities in front of us everywhere but somehow we found reasons to say no to all of them. It’s not what we want, it’s too much work, we’re not ready, blah, blah. Struktur was a side project, not one we wanted to commit to fully. I had always suspected I was secretly afraid… of failure, or success, or simply to embrace what I was turning out to be pretty good at (a colleague called me after the first event and said “Michelle, I think you’ve found your calling”). I probably was afraid, but now I know that I did not yet have what I needed to truly go pro.
I found many ways to run away from Struktur, including shutting it completely down and changing my entire life. But it followed me… tracked me down and screamed in my face until I realized that It meant more than I had allowed myself to see.
I didn’t take it seriously… because I wasn’t taking myself seriously. I knew I was a professional in the corporate design world because the world of corporate design acknowledged me as such. Independent of this validation, I was in danger of being labeled a fraud by the one person who mattered the most: myself.
What It Means To Go Pro
I’ve been spending the past two years figuring out how to take myself seriously as an independent professional. I’m a big fan of personal and professional growth thought leaders like Joseph Campbell, Seth Godin, Gabor Maté, Alain de Botton, Rich Roll, and lovely crazyman Tim Ferriss to name just a few. I read and listen to them almost every day. This past Fall I tripped over a new writer and found what I needed to hear most right now.
Stephen Pressfield is the author of many books including well-known titles such as The Legend of Bagger Vance and The War of Art. It is his 2012 book Turning Pro that has grabbed me presently. In it he talks simply and concisely about the difference between being an amateur and being a pro.
Most of us operate as amateurs until we decide to go pro. What’s the difference? Being either amateur or a pro is a mindset, a way of thinking that then drives how we choose to act on a daily basis. The amateur tends, overall, to operate from a place of fear, the professional operates in the face of it.
Amateurs are attuned to ego and comparison, the opinions of others, and instant gratification. They are easily distracted, jealous, lack self-compassion, seek permission, give away their power, and live in the past while living for tomorrow.
Professionals are courageous, focused, ruthless with themselves yet have self-compassion. They live in the present, defer gratification, they don’t not wait for inspiration, and they do not give their power away.
Moving from amateur to pro is “… free but it’s not easy” according to Pressfield. It’s a conscious decision to do something, a commitment to doing it, and a journey of sacrifice in living it day in and day out. It changes us permanently. We may make a decision to be a pro but we actually become one through the process of adopting and developing the qualities of one.
In Turning Pro, Pressfield states the following as the top qualities of a professional:
1. The professional shows up everyday.
2. The professional stays on the job all day.
3. The professional is committed over the long haul.
4. For the professional, the stakes are high and real.
As I read each page and passage of his book I realized that the journey of the professional is similar to becoming a black belt. To be ready to test for black belt we must already act like a black belt. We must first decide to be one, yes, but we only become one by going through a transformation of practice, commitment, and personal sacrifice day in and day out. The physical test is only one doorway, the personal and professional test last indefinitely and we are forever changed as a result.
Why Going Pro Matters
Going pro is simple, but not easy. It takes serious work. So why do it? Most of us have a desire to make a difference. “Make an impact” consistently ranks as one of the top life goals for modern humans. We have a very human desire to do good, to help others, to feel that our short time on this planet has some meaning. However, we cannot do serious work to make a real impact if we do not take ourselves seriously.
We also have an innate longing to find our purpose, to uncover why we are here. The process of going pro is closely linked to the concept of the shadow career and finding our true calling, both of which Pressman discusses in the book. Most of us spend too much of our lives hiding inside shadow careers instead of actively pursuing, or even knowing, what we truly want to do. Identifying our true path is the first step in being able to turn pro at it. It is in doing so that we find real and lasting fulfillment. However, to find our true path, we have to allow ourselves to acknowledge what we really want, to see our gifts and to realize that it is actually our duty to share those unique gifts with the world.
Finally, once we have aligned ourselves with where we really want to be, we become leaders by example. Going pro and committing to your dreams creates a light for others to follow. When you are aligned with yourself your energy shines in a way that is indescribable. You can see it in others who are clearly in line with their purpose. We tend to label those people as successful, lucky, special, or “other” from ourselves, but that is the amateur talking. The professional knows that these people are where they should be, they are committed, doing the work, making the sacrifices. The pro seeks not to be near these people and their light, but to be like them… to create their own light.
Why We Don’t Go Pro
There are plenty of reasons why most of us don’t go pro, even when we become aware of the concept. The most common reason is the most obvious: fear. We can name all sorts, including fear of failure, fear of success, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of being broke, etc. What we fear most is ourselves, our ability to cope, to make things happen. The martial artist knows every time she steps on the fighting floor that she is facing her greatest enemy: herself. It’s what Luke Skywalker sees when he walks into the cave and has to face Darth Vader. It’s what we see in the mirror everyday.
Which brings me back to our old friend, imposter syndrome. Our imposter monster tells us we aren’t as good as such-and-such, that we don’t have the right skills, aren’t ready, will look foolish, that we will be rejected if we make a mistake, that we have to be the best, absolutely perfect…whatever the message may be. Not everyone suffers from imposter syndrome, but most creatives I know seem to be afflicted with it to some degree. But how can we be an imposter if we are following our own true calling, being a pro on our own path? When we are the pro we own the path, therefore we call the shots. We do the work so we decide who the imposters are in our world. We are the boss.
My favorite passage in Turning Pro is called “Play Hurt”. I love this one because it’s my old sticking point. “The amateur believes she must have her ducks in a row before she can launch….” whatever it is she wants to launch. That used to be me until I decided to adopt a habit of “failing publicly” - meaning to get my work out there despite myself and learn from it rather than hold back, hide it, roll it over and over until I thought it was perfect. The professional doesn’t hide or hold back, she just does the work and keeps on doing the work no matter what detail isn’t perfectly in place or whatever catastrophe is going on. Warriors fight scared and the athlete plays hurt.
How To Go Pro
“You don’t need to take a course or buy a product. All you have to do is change your mind.” - Steven Pressfield
It takes courage to become a pro. It will change you, it will change your life, and you have to be ready for it. If I can offer up three words that stick with me most in my process of becoming pro they would be these: courage, compassion, and commitment, in any order, all the time.
I have it in me. You have it in you.